direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
