Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
