everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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