hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
