i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Drake has all the answers
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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