people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
