I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
