I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So squirting runs in the family.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I didn't notice because vodka
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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