My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
