Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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