It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
