what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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