I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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