If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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