NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
