Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
