Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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