I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
