meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
