i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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