I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
