Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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