Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
