I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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