She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
