upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
