Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
