what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
