Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
