Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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