I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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