Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
