Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i think my cat just said my name.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Im part way to drunk.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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