the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
