Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
