I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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