Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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