i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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