I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
