"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
