Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
