proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
