I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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