i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Girls should come with a carfax report
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
