his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
