Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
