i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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