Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I wish i was in the wii world.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
