Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
