Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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