my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
