so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
