There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm having to shit out rocks
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
