you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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