happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
