I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
