So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
