Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
